Optimist, sunshine, nature, apples, clouds, animals, walking, being me, air-rifle, sketching, music, laughing with friends, reading, living each day to the fullest
'On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

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Hello. :)

You know some games, especially fighting games? or like Maple Story?
Like sometimes you experience not being able to complete a quest, or, you lack the motivation to complete your quests, and you end up getting stuck in a level after such a LONG time.
Well, that was what my Character was like. and I end up quitting this game. Because I gave up. And no longer felt the joy in continuing.

Somehow I feel that I could relate this situation to my real life. Like, I am my Character, and my quests is to get good grades, blah blah and all the quests a student would want to complete in her schooling life. But, you just get stuck and u try to find some solutions but not all can work for you.

Like the character in Maple story, I was fighting aimlessly. I even went to some far away place like Ludibrium and being such a noob level, I wanted to fight such high level monsters (how ambitious!).

Yeah back to reality, I felt like I WAS aimless, because I didn't have the feeling that could motivate me to do things smarter, work harder. (Maybe you think of me as a hardworking person, but actually I watch a lot of TV shows at home or just going aroung websites, most of the time trying to figure things out.) I used to have it, like it was ringing in my head and I could be reminded of my goals and where I wanted to head to.

Today after a chat with u my dear friend, I felt like i've been enlightened.
This was what I felt after talking to you. :)

I think for the past like one and a half year I've still been in my stubborn state of mind (am I very stubborn?), sub-consciously i guess since it wasn't intentional, that I have actually been comparing the friends I had in the past and the friends that I have now. I think it's true to a certain extent because I became wary of the vast differences between two schools, two set of friends, and two set of cca friends, social circles, everybody la. I think its because of this comparison that made me feel reserved with my own opinions, because I wouldn't want people to pass judgements of me, and I think it ultimately boils down to one simple word : Trust.

It seem as though it was easier to trust people with my words, with my feelings, and everything in the past. Maybe because we were both young at that time. However, I shouldn't make any differences for myself, even though I am older, more mature, that prevents me from trusting people. I should like be more open to expressing myself, and to just be me.

And that's why I also found the reason to why I felt so alone, as if the next best thing to just reflect upon my week's happening is just to see the busy cars travelling along the Bukit Timah road. I think its weird, maybe just seeing things change, watching a Scene changing, and telling myself that everything is ever-changing and I should just remain positive. But I don't quite understand why I would delude myself to my own thoughts that those cars that zoomed past me would bring my troubles away. I think I would feel better faster if I had shared it with a friend who could and want to understand me.

I should be more trusting toward people around me, and tell them about myself like the way they told me about them. I should be more empathatic and caring to listen to their woes or joys such that we have something common to talk about. :) Trust your friendship, that's what you said. I would hold these words close to my heart.

My academic goal is to be able to make myself proud of being me. And for this year, I want to achieve 3.8, and above average for class positions. Focus girl!

Lastly, thanks Cecilia ! :) Hope things would work out for you too :)
Best friends forever :D.

YH: HELLLLLO YAN HUI :D! back to the top?