Optimist, sunshine, nature, apples, clouds, animals, walking, being me, air-rifle, sketching, music, laughing with friends, reading, living each day to the fullest
'On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

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This sudden overwhelming feeling of being so blue is sinking my soul.

I am experiencing exactly what was described in the ENFJ personality trait weaknesses.

• Sometimes too selfless. ENFJs may often take on too much work or get deeply involved in other people’s problems, trying too hard to not offend or disappoint anybody.
• Very idealistic. People with this personality type can often be too idealistic or even naïve, believing that everyone is good-natured and cares about principles that are important to the ENFJ.
• Often too sensitive. Deep down, ENFJs are sensitive and emotional individuals who can get hurt and disappointed very easily. They may also worry too much about other people’s feelings and well-being.
• Vulnerable to criticism. ENFJ personalities have a strong inner core of principles and values, and they can get very hurt if someone criticizes them. ENFJs may also have difficulties reacting calmly to general criticism and negativity.
• May find it difficult to make tough decisions. Due to their altruism and sensitivity, ENFJs are likely to struggle with decisions involving hard choices. They may waver between different options, unable to stop thinking about all the possible consequences.
• Highly fluctuating self-esteem. An ENFJ’s self-esteem depends on whether they are able to live up to their ideals and fulfill their goals, while at the same time making sure that everyone around them is happy. If the ENFJ’s ideas are being constantly criticized or they are unable to help people close to them, their self-confidence is likely to plummet.
  [www.16personalities.com/enfj-strengths-and-weaknesses]

Most obviously, I feel rather out of touch with the Inner self and I've been acceding to or getting involved into people's problems, not my own.

I swear I realise that I have a highly fluctuating self-esteem that roves with the divergent possibilities and thoughts in my head - "all possible consequences". The good, the bad, the unknown, the perspective of being a silly fool, the perspective of being self-sacrificial. just weighing.

The room is quiet with merely the sound of the whiz and buzz of the fan overhead.
My mind is screaming inside.

I see things seemingly like a contradiction, in perspectives that may be at ends of a spectrum.

I want to make decisions, but I want to listen to the muted inner voice first.

I'm finding someone who can help me unmute it. preferably someone who is not involved in what i am doing, and yet cares enough to want to know about it. someone who can listen without making me feel judged, and understand that I make silly or stupid comments but it is actually perfectly alright. someone who can provide opinions that is wise, sensible and gentle. someone who don't force me to take his or her perspective. someone who can bear with me if I actually cry, just like that. someone out there to help with disassembling the cluttered mind without expectations.  

Update: http://www.16personalities.com/istj-relationships-dating back to the top?