Walk with me!

Sunday, March 20, 2011 @ 9:13 PM

Today is one of the most depressing days i've experienced.

I know the reason why, but I think it hurts myself to know it too.

I initiated it.

One. My hamster died.

Two. We became friends.

I just dont feel like breathing now.

Even today's dinner reminded me of boarding school food.

Its bland and i'm not having an appetite.

My mind is in a whirl whether i'm doing the right thing.

I'm just worried about how you feel, because I think it might be worse than what i'm feeling right now.

When i saw the reply tears just rolled down my cheek instantly.

It didn't dawn upon me the reason why i would cry.

Wouldnt I be happier since i've initated it, and got what I wanted?

Wouldnt we be happier since there might be less friction between us?

Wouldnt you be happier since there is no more me to care about?

Wouldnt you be happier if we just be friends, and just be nice and care about each other that way, without so much about being unhappy?

is being unhappy at that time, a happier thing to do?

is this right?

will you and I be happier like that?

we unofficially started.

now, its turned like that, does it mean we have stopped.

before that, not really.

but after saying that, that maybe being friends is a better option, i just felt like i've lost something.

precious.

my hamster is lost too.

everything happens together,

all the bad things at once.

maybe that's good too.

so after that, you won't feel sad anymore because there is no more bad things left to happen that can make you sad.

I don't feel like confiding in anyone.

I'll just deal with it by myself.

Stay strong.

I just hope that maybe.. when we're calmer and stuff.

one day maybe I or you might just pop by a message and ask about each others' day.

maybe if i dont become a great part of your life, you can be happier.

because i don't want you to feel unhappy because of me.

since it happened,

it happened, and cannot be undone.

its either we continue from here next time, or let it become stagnated.

you can choose who you want to be with.

what's teen-hood without fun right?

but i'll still be sticking with my own plans. and my goals.

you know it.

i dont think i'll start messaging anytime soon, until im ready to face it again.

oh and when my hamster died.

its just an apt day for my parents to think that i'm crying because of the death of the little life.

(thankfully)

I was a little sad about it too.

I'll tell jaqueline later.

Then when we found a place to bury it at the plants near the carpark,

in the distant, someone was playing quite loudly the song: Love, Me.

At that moment, i was thinking, oh my, what a timely song.

trying to drive all the sadness inside me.

I hope you're not crying, or what.

please get over it, because i dont think i'm really worth so much your tears, and your emotions.

i'm so sorry if i've hurt you.

but i thought that this might probably be the better decision to make, because in the long run, i see it coming right again.

and i think i'm the root cause.

okay, get over it.

love life.

love the world.

love everybody.

love myself.

love time.

love family.

love happiness.

love the planet.

love the day and the night.

love optimism.

love friendship.

love freedom.

love hobbies.

love everything i like.

bye.

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