Optimist, sunshine, nature, apples, clouds, animals, walking, being me, air-rifle, sketching, music, laughing with friends, reading, living each day to the fullest
'On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

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Today was my first PT after such a long break! (from nationals etc etc, I can't even remember when was my last!) It was really enjoyable :)

And, after PT I went to the range and looked at some of my fellow shooters cards from training. And taught them how to train for the next trainings, etc as well as to discuss about their problems.

Suddenly, I feel that they are really lucky. Lucky to be learning it right from the beginning. Lucky to be able to learn. In retrospect, I feel that its so difficult to learn. Or master it myself.

Like, teaching people is easy(or at least for the beginners), but relearning things is hard. I feel so stuck in a rut. But I really don't know who can save me from this situation. Sometimes I wish I can wear this " DON'T ASSUME " plate right in front of me, so prominent that coach can see it everytime she sees me.

Because I feel that she always assumes that I will get it, and from her bits and pieces of "coaching" without even checking whether i'm doing it correctly after she said her piece, just makes me even more insecure, and uncertain. I just don't want to shoot, because I suck.

And I know it. And I don't know what I can do about it. Maybe that's just a convenient excuse, but I do realise the importance of proper guidance in nurturing a talent okay. (I consider myself as one, since I win medals, haha :)) I'm not a naturale. I'm not like beth who can shoot so well even though I don't train. The worst thing is, I train but I don't know what I'm training about, and there is nothing which can act as my KEY PERFORMANCE INDICATOR. Because nothing is consistent right now. and training more, in such a state just adds onto the negativity.

I wish for a break (from this sucky situation). but when I come back, will everything return square one? back to the top?