Optimist, sunshine, nature, apples, clouds, animals, walking, being me, air-rifle, sketching, music, laughing with friends, reading, living each day to the fullest
'On ne voit bien qu'avec le cœur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux.

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This is a photograph of A Moon

There are four quarters in total. It is cyclical, and never stops all year round.
- Moon's behaviour follows with the phases as it orbits around earth. It changes, but her mood is usually predictable. There is the half-moon, new moon (where it disappears for a while), gibbous moon and lastly the full moon. If you miss her at one phase, you will have to wait till the next cycle arrives twenty-eight days later to see the same quarter again.

So far away it is, the Moon never stops to serve us
- It influences the sea tidal waves, effects the human mind and religious rites and practices across the world follows the lunar calendar. Her presence (or absence) can make significant changes to the activities around Earth day in, day out.

It is just A Moon. But, however.
- It seems alone, or lonely - for there is just one moon circling earth. If one carefully observes at different times of day, and at different places on earth - the surroundings of the moon observed varies.  It takes a higher perspective to realise that she actually always lives among the company of stars (Stars are permanent unless they explode or get sucked into the black hole.). When sadness fills your day, it is similar to how her vision gets occluded by the passing grey clouds. On some days, it passes quickly without disturbing her feelings, and on other days storm clouds stays there the entire night showering earth with passing rain.


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OMG the sound of the tinkering and beeping noises in the hospital ICU rooms and erroneous dynamap machines are so familiar in my head.  back to the top?

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This video captures what an elderly woman does at home, alone. It is quite sad actually.

This post comes after I have lost my EZ link card, feeling really stressed + annoyed at myself for not realising how it got missing :/ (I've searched thoroughly all the places I could have placed it!) wasted brain cells and energy from stressing out and worrying about the possibility it have been misused. Also, that I have recently topped-up my student concession, and the day starts tomorrow. ): Oh well, I ought to channel this energy into more productive things because I will be heck busy next week. If I keep procrastinating, I'll be so so mad at myself.

I find that my neurology placement has one that helped me learn not only about clinical-related interventions, but also in terms of being a more humanised person. This is because of the nature of the cases which you get to see at the ward - strokes, TBI, parkinsons disease, cancer, and the other variations which present as co-morbidities. It is sad, or sadder than those you see at MSK because people still can walk and communicate/ interact, and be independent most of the time. However, in the neurology setting, many of them are unable to manage their disabilities independently, and many a time requiring maximal to total assist for basic functions like bed mobility. It makes me feel more for them after realising that they may not have caring family members, friends to want to help them too, or they may not have the financial resources to make their lives easier.

However, you don't want to pity them and really let them wallow in their situation. Because, my role here is to maximize their function and enable their lives (hopefully, and with hope+++).

I would like to share part of my recent experience with a minimally conscious patient, who is a middle aged man (Ranchos Los Amigos Scale: L3, GCS 11/15) suffered from TBI had and a bifrontal craniectomy. On first impression, he was emaciated, not verbalising (you don't know even if there was a Being inside him), not even responding to an auditory startle or visual reflex, he had no useful function on a hemi-side of his upper and lower limb and was basically very weak and bony. He didn't look "cute", and had few visitors.

short of time, keep it in point form :)

- Previously, my end goal was to just get him to be able to assist the carers at the nursing home with turning.
- My supervisor taught me to look at the bigger picture and to put him in the ICF model
- I realised that although minimally conscious, I should have taken more into account that living inside that person is a Being, and not just a shell
- Despite being hard of verbalising and communicating, he would be like any human and would definitely crave for human affection, and socialisation. I felt that this was a major realisation to me, for leaving out such an important human need. In addition, I have also missed out the part where he would probably require financial support, and ideally with long term rehabilitation and neuroplastic changes, and hope, he may recover and find alternative employment. I realised that I have already put the consideration for his future employment outside of my initial goals for him. For that, I felt guilty because there was already a limit that I have set for him.
- although I understand that his prognosis is poor, having communication, an enriched and stimulating environment would often be helpful to the recovery of the patient. and also as a Human with needs
- On a separate patient, I felt a little upset with the doctor who have already brushed off the patient. We wanted to get his help to coax the patient to get out of bed and get moving with us POST OPERATION because it would be essential to his recovery. (the patient was mentally subnormal, and had lots of anger management issues). If we are trying our best to try to maximise function of the disabled, and to enable them, it is not very nice that the people in your team doesn't try to facilitate your effort and replied saying "aiya, nevermind. he is going to the  nursing home anyway, nobody wants to take him home." yes, he is going to the nursing home, but he can probably be able to do more there rather than rot away like those old, and forlorn. those who are more able than others can at least get their butts out and watch television during the day. but if you don't help those who are disabled and unable to do so by themselves independently, do you think the nursing home staff would waste their time to bring them to watch television? sit out of bed to eat when they are already on a nasogastric tube? Chances are - NO. They would be upset and miserable staring at the ceiling fan, the dirty walls and the noises made by their cranky neighbours would probably be the source of auditory stimulation they get.
- I wrote in my personal statement some years back when I was at a nursing home doing research on incontinence management systems, and i'm sure that my experience there was an actual depiction of what it really was there. (basically it paints a not-so-happy picture)
- just like the lady in the above video, im pretty sure that these people crave interaction, and affection - we are all human beings


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Prioritising time with friends, family, and with you.
I feel bad for realising how I don't make the conscious effort to be home earlier so i could spend more time with you. Really sorry about that.
I have been spending my day doing nothing very productive (cleaning the house, reviewing the weeks materials, then hanging out with 'friends' where we went shopping)
I haven't shopped proper since March and probably i felt so happy i wanted to stay around the mall a little longer than expected.
At times, I wished I have spent time alone though. So i don't have to attribute all these nonsense to whatever that could have resulted in the poor choice of spending time the way i did.
The time difference is all part of what you have to adapt to in a long distance relationship. It's part of the package.
I should be more mindful to devote time to the person i really love.
You are not leading a Single life. back to the top?

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I do recognise over time, how overthinking really eats me up from inside.
It's a terrible and miserable feeling, and at times its really the thing you want to avoid because it makes you feel bad about yourself.

When this happens, I realise that typically what makes me feel better about the situation is that I want to avoid all humans that can converse with me. I seek solidary, and loneliness. I keep things to myself, realizing that it is probably not worth sharing pessimistic ideas also I don't have to rub it in. This is because it is a protective mechanism I adopt to avoid being vulnerable, appearing weak, or losing control of my emotions.

To be honest, I recognise that has been a part of my identity - it recognise traits of overthinking in various aspects of my life. However, as much as knowledge allows me to cope, I realise I have  no real solutions to offer for myself. What I have for myself is basically a simple reminder to realise that that I have to stop because it will be worse when I mull over it.

What I'm afraid of, is at times how trapped I get into my own perception, believing so much that it is true. I develop a new (and slightly warped) mindset and gearing myself ahead with silly thoughts. It's a bad option to move on, yet I realise that I don't have a choice.

[note to self: I have to stop being so far ahead of ourselves. What’s going to happen will happen, and we have to understand that we don’t always have control.]

Here's an article that aptly speaks about the problem I face:

I am an over-thinker, and I have been one since I was little. My brain is always moving 20 steps ahead of a current situation, and I always see the end before something even really starts.

I hate not being in control of a situation or myself, or not knowing the outcome. I get scared and can totally induce a panic attack without even trying. I imagine bad things that will probably never happen and analyze everything beyond recognition.

It’s really annoying, actually.

But, I also know that I’m not alone. So many people have a hard time having firm grasps on their lives and can get so overwhelmed that they’ve lost themselves.

1. Sometimes we’re so stuck in our heads that we cause problems that don’t exist.

I am so good at this one. I can overanalyze something so far that I create a problem in my head that really, very seriously does not exist.

I can take a small comment and run it over through my mind so many times that I forget what the original comment even was.

And then, it eats away at me. It bothers and annoys me and then, I don’t say anything because…

2. We’re worried that saying something will cause another problem.

We don’t want to confront the person who originally got to us because then, we’re stuck thinking about all of the possible scenarios and outcomes, and we imagine conversations before they even happen.

It’s likely that the conversations we imagine will not happen.

I’ve learned from experience that bringing up your in-your-own-head comment always leads to, “What are you talking about? Honestly, how the f*ck did you get there? That’s not even remotely what I meant.”

3. We constantly need others to calm us down.

Any time that I’m having a really big problem, I go to my friends and ask their opinions.

I tell them I’m freaking out and nervous and worried and scared and they either look at me or say very seriously, “You need to calm down. You’re making a glacier out of an ice cube. You have zero reason to be this worked up right now.”

And, nine out of 10 times, they’re right. I am taking something too far when it was so innocuous, or everyone else can see that I have nothing to worry about.

We need to be told that we’re being ridiculous and that we need to loosen up. If we don’t have that, we just bury ourselves deeper and that’s not fun.

4. We’re total insomniacs.

When your mind is constantly in overdrive, it’s hard to shut it down without a sleep aid. We can lose hours once our head hits the pillow.

Right when we’re about to drift off, a thought enters our mind and we think, “Oh, God, how did I stop thinking about that? I must pore over it forever now.”

And then, we end up never sleeping or having very poor sleep schedules. There’s something about the dark and the total stillness that just gets to us. It sucks — it’s totally unhealthy and we should, for sure, try to stop it.

5. We can be a little unbearable sometimes.

Throughout my life, I have discovered that when I have let overthinking become a problem, I can be unbearable and a little hard to be with.

My friends get annoyed, my family gets mad and my boyfriend has to tip-toe around what he says when I’m in full swing. It’s not something that I enjoy, and it makes me stop and look at what I’m doing.

You never want to be the person who someone doesn’t want to offend or upset with the slightest comment.

Being present is one of the most important lessons I’ve recently learned. We, over-thinkers, need to calm down and think about where we are at this exact moment.

We need to look at this and think to ourselves, “Maybe this isn’t so bad if we just take it week by week, day by day, hour by hour.”

We just have to keep ourselves grounded instead of deep in our self-made trenches.

This is why while our 20s are such an annoyingly difficult transitional period that never stops presenting change (the intangible kind, not the coin kind), we have to re-evaluate.

We have to stop being so far ahead of ourselves. What’s going to happen will happen, and we have to understand that we don’t always have control.

Bumps in the road happen and we have to deal with them as best we can. How do we know that the outcome we want won’t happen? We don’t.

While things can hurt, sometimes devastate us and totally knock us off our game, we have to accept the lack of control. We can totally do this.

We have to remain positive and focused and have our hearts and minds set on what we want. We can take all of that negative thinking and turn it into imagining what we want and how to get it. It’s amazing how helpful doing so can be. back to the top?

Good at being not-good
Not good at being good
Choose.

All through these years, have a made a decision for myself. Have a made a decision that I have regretted for myself. Will I ever make decisions that I will regret for myself.

There's reason in all opinions, and examples and evidences to support. I think it would be great if you could take a stand and think of one that belongs to you instead of finding agreement in opposite viewpoints. So much for having balance... have you found yourself stuck in the middle position?

I wish you were a little better to talk to.
I wish that I could be learning and to be free to speak my opinions and to discuss. Yet, I feel that there is hardly room for discussions. more often than not, it is a one sided affair. Do you like it

But, Is this really how you would like things to end up? Can you really think about it?

I'm None the wiser.

Who and why should you trust?

What is your opinion for "forever"? Is there such thing as "forever?"

What am I doing?
What am I doing that is against your wishes?
Why am I following your wishes?
What are your wishes?
Have I been understood what my wishes is/ are/ was/ were?

Or do they even exist.

What is the role of God?

Dear fairy, dust some powder for wisdom on me. I need some answers....

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Starting from next week

5 more weeks to go :) 

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What is right for me, may not be right for others

Always check in with (their) emotions and feelings


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?We all have the same hours to spend (or waste) in a day. Why are some people better at using time than others? And how can you be better at it?

Recently I read about a cause a friend of mine is currently working on, and she's a pretty incredible person I've ever met. Besides managing time for school, and managing life independently (she's living abroad alone) she also spends time on meaningful pursuits, go to church, get a cca, and perhaps have a boyfriend already. Someone whom I want to emulate good qualities from.

I was discussing with her the idea of having Balance and the importance of Balance last time we met. Upon reflection, I do realise the extent of imbalance in the lifestyle I'm currently leading. This is especially so in time management which I'm now painfully aware of.

At times, I would want to have a life where I can be in total control of (ie. Not be affected by family members schedule, don't have to compromise your commitments with theirs) and basically leading a life simply on your own, where you take care of your own needs first. Thinking about this realistically, it's not possible to be in total control unless you're disconnected from your loved ones and friends. What is possible is rather, to be able to plan ahead and prioritise your needs first.

A younger and more driven version of myself, a part of me whom I felt like I've not heard from in a long while have been adept at understanding and having balance. I liked it how I do what I really set my mind on doing, do it within particular durations, and juggle it with varied commitments. I make this happen for me because I WILL it to happen.

I was a high achiever and I was addicted to the momentum for about two years before I slowed it down. I slowed it because it came with the sacrifice of neglecting peer relations back then. I don't regret my actions as much though, because it is important to choose the friends you want to spend time with wisely. Of course identifying room for improvement to at least maintain a friendship on talking terms would have been great, because I hardly got to know them.

Right now, I have to set a new momentum that is reasonable to follow, paced to help me achieve, and strive for a balance between my priorities for growth as an individual, the people I care about, and the meaningful pursuits I want to be a part of.

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'I'm not your doormat, I'm no pushover!"

Traits of a Doormat

Enabling Behaviors

Lack of Respect

Loss of Identity

Doormats, as people pleasers, feel that they must focus all their energy on doing things for others. Rarely do they do things for themselves, and when they do, they often feel selfish and guilty. They let their own hobbies and friendships fall by the wayside because they are so busy doing things for and with their spouse (this is not specifically for a spouse, but also encapsulates doing things for the people that matter to them, the very people they love. Hobbies, are hard to define because you wonder if the things that makes the people you love Happy, makes you happy? Is this happiness intrinsic or derived?) This quickly leads to isolation and loss of personal identity. (isolation...   o_o. ) If the relationship between the doormat and the user deteriorates, the doormat may find herself without a network of friends to rely on.

Resentment

All the negative consequences of being a doormat in a relationship eventually lead to resentment. The doormat bottles up his feelings of being taken advantage of and taken for granted. He begins to feel resentment toward his partner (or loved ones), but the pattern of giving without receiving is usually so firmly established by this point that it is difficult to see a way out. This can easily lead to anxiety and depression.

What many people-pleasers don’t realize is that people-pleasing can have serious risks. Not only does it put a lot of pressure and stress on you, Newman said, but “essentially you can make yourself sick from doing too much.” If you’re overcommitted, you probably get less sleep and get more anxious and upset. You’re also “depleting your energy resources.” “In the worst case scenario, you’ll wake up and find yourself depressed, because you’re on such overload because you possibly can’t do it all,” she said. (I felt this way before, it was awful. I wanted to quit immediately and get out. I remember vowing to not be involved in it as I felt severe burnout. However, doormat syndrome crept in surreptitiously and I found myself being fucking involved again. Good heavens, someone please tell me to get out because you lost me already.) 

Wenying, Here’s a slew of strategies to help you stop being a people-pleaser and finally say no.

1. Realize you have a choice.

People-pleasers often feel like they have to say yes when someone asks for their help. Remember that you always have a choice to say no, Newman said.

2. Set your priorities.

Knowing your priorities and values helps you put the brakes on people-pleasing. You know when you feel comfortable saying no or saying yes. Ask yourself, “What are the most important things to me?” Newman suggested.

3. Stall.

Whenever someone asks you for a favor, it’s perfectly OK to say that you’ll need to think about it. This gives you the opportunity to consider if you can commit to helping them. (Also important is to ask the person for details about the commitment.)

Newman suggested asking yourself: “How stressful is this going to be? Do I have the time to do this? What am I going to give up? How pressured am I going to feel? Am I going to be upset with this person who’s asking?”

Asking yourself these questions is key because, as Newman said, very often after you’ve said yes or helped out, you’re left wondering, “What was I thinking?” I neither have the time nor the expertise to help out.

If the person needs an answer right away, “your automatic answer can be no,” Newman said. That’s because “Once you say yes, you’re stuck.” By saying no automatically, “you leave yourself an option” to say yes later if you’ve realized that you’re available. And “you’ve also gotten it off your must-do or don’t-want to do list.”

4. Set a time limit.

If you do agree to help out, “limit your time frame,” Newman said. Let the person know that “I’m only available from 10 a.m. to 12 p.m.,” for example.

5. Consider if you’re being manipulated.

Sometimes, people are clearly taking advantage of you, so it’s important to watch out for manipulators and flatterers, Newman said. How do you spot them? She said, “Often the people who flatter you will say [statements like], ‘Oh you’re so good at baking cakes, would you make a cake for my child’s birthday?’ or ‘I don’t know how to put this bookcase together, but you’re so handy, can you help me out?’”

A classic line is “Nobody does this better than you do,” she said. Also, these people “will either coax you into doing something or try to tell you what your availability is or what your time frame is.” Basically, before you know it, they make the decision for you.

6. Create a mantra.

Figure out a mantra you can say to yourself to stop you from people-pleasing. It can even be a visual as simple as a big “No” flashing when a certain friend who “can always talk you into something” approaches you, Newman said.

7. Say no with conviction.

“The first no to anyone is always the hardest,” Newman said. But once you get over that first bump, “you will be well on your way to getting off the yes treadmill.” Also, remember that you’re saying no for good reasons. “You get time for yourself and for the people you really want to help,” she said.

8. Use an empathic assertion.

Some people initially think that being assertive means “stepping all over people,” Tillman said. Instead, she explained that “assertiveness is really about connection.”

Using an empathic assertion “means that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes as you assert yourself,” Tillman said. So you let the person know that you understand where they’re coming from, but unfortunately, you can’t help. “People need to feel heard and understood,” and this is a respectful way of asserting yourself and saying no.

9. Consider if it’s worth it.

When asserting yourself, Tillman suggested asking yourself, “Is it really worth it?” It’s probably not worth it to tell your boss about his annoying habit, but it is worth it to tell your friend that you can’t do lunch because you’re super busy.

10. Don’t give a litany of excuses.

It’s tempting to want to defend your decision to say no to someone so they understand your reasoning. But this actually backfires. According to Newman, “As soon as you start explaining, you give the other person lots of wiggle room to come back and say, ‘Oh, you can do that later,’ ‘You can adjust your schedule’ or ‘That’s not as important as what I’m asking.’”

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I attended drgwee's workshop on poetry at a library yesterday and it was great to spend time learning about something you can appreciate. I coincidentally met daniel at the workshop too. It is quite cool to know friends who have really varied interests just like I do!

Key takeaways:
1. An effective poem has "the most effective way of  bring across a particular subject matter".
2. Poem comprises of two aspects: 1) (particular) concept/ idea/ feeling; tightness 2) Rhythm
3. Form matters (eg. spaces, indent, arrangement, distortion of grammar, choice of words)
4. Poetry to him is: beautiful words, sculpting with words (dimension), music in words, painting in words.
5. Worst poems are poetry without tone, form, feel

There's something beautiful how words are strung (and sung 'rhyme, rhythm, punctuation') in poetry.
Poems can convey a deeper sense of meaning as well as to convey a meaning that cannot be understood with words alone.
I want to embark on a journey to learn about poems and to learn about structures, rules and to learn to write a more beautiful poem. every one starts somewhere, and here is my beginning.

~ Anyway, i'll write randomly poetry for myself and see how I grow over time.

haiku (575)

seeds drifting along,
melodious wind to explore,
places you know not -

wispy clouds in the air,
tapping gently on my hair,
baby, are you there?

limerick (aabba)

quatrain (xbxb, aabb, abab)

free verse (words to create effect. tie words with ideas, words that hold meaning (not used extravagantly)

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You have been the subject of my thoughts yesterday.
I would love to engage in a conversation with you, and yet unsure how it is about to happen.

Am I feeling confused?
Define love.
What does love feel? And if the feeling of being comfortable, and really enjoying your company when we're together, and "being me" when I'm around with you is considered as love. Just three simple reasons for now. I've been around with various people, yet I think finding someone who makes me feel quite right isn't that easy.

Am I concerned?
I would love to try to be together with you, yet perhaps the timing now isn't right. Or at least in the sense of having the physical presence. I want to be able to be there for you, to celebrate your joys and support you in your tribulations, if we were together. I would be very upset if I couldn't. :(

I must have realised that I have fallen for you, strangely enough.

But, I know that it is not easy for me to get up if I go anymore deeper into this - or not at least in this point in time, when the sails are seemingly blown by wind coming from opposite direction in many ways I could think of.

And most importantly, perhaps I'm still not ready to embrace more people in my life, when I haven't learnt to love myself properly in the first place. - I should practice more self-compassion!

You're a great person, and I love you. I hope we can still be friends. back to the top?

Oh this is so cool !

http://www.darkroomanddearly.com/blog/rkroomanddearly.com/2012/04/diy-homemade-polaroid-coasters.html back to the top?

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Oh gosh. I've been eating so much junk lately I'm wondering if I'm stress eating now D:

Did our project work on that topic last time and should know better to stop this.

Food is my comfort now.
My Friday and half of today seems wasted totally as I try to get myself to study for the most boring subject of my life! Exercise physio

I need to start a project bye bye flabby arms or iron tummy with my friends

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This sudden overwhelming feeling of being so blue is sinking my soul.

I am experiencing exactly what was described in the ENFJ personality trait weaknesses.

• Sometimes too selfless. ENFJs may often take on too much work or get deeply involved in other people’s problems, trying too hard to not offend or disappoint anybody.
• Very idealistic. People with this personality type can often be too idealistic or even naïve, believing that everyone is good-natured and cares about principles that are important to the ENFJ.
• Often too sensitive. Deep down, ENFJs are sensitive and emotional individuals who can get hurt and disappointed very easily. They may also worry too much about other people’s feelings and well-being.
• Vulnerable to criticism. ENFJ personalities have a strong inner core of principles and values, and they can get very hurt if someone criticizes them. ENFJs may also have difficulties reacting calmly to general criticism and negativity.
• May find it difficult to make tough decisions. Due to their altruism and sensitivity, ENFJs are likely to struggle with decisions involving hard choices. They may waver between different options, unable to stop thinking about all the possible consequences.
• Highly fluctuating self-esteem. An ENFJ’s self-esteem depends on whether they are able to live up to their ideals and fulfill their goals, while at the same time making sure that everyone around them is happy. If the ENFJ’s ideas are being constantly criticized or they are unable to help people close to them, their self-confidence is likely to plummet.
  [www.16personalities.com/enfj-strengths-and-weaknesses]

Most obviously, I feel rather out of touch with the Inner self and I've been acceding to or getting involved into people's problems, not my own.

I swear I realise that I have a highly fluctuating self-esteem that roves with the divergent possibilities and thoughts in my head - "all possible consequences". The good, the bad, the unknown, the perspective of being a silly fool, the perspective of being self-sacrificial. just weighing.

The room is quiet with merely the sound of the whiz and buzz of the fan overhead.
My mind is screaming inside.

I see things seemingly like a contradiction, in perspectives that may be at ends of a spectrum.

I want to make decisions, but I want to listen to the muted inner voice first.

I'm finding someone who can help me unmute it. preferably someone who is not involved in what i am doing, and yet cares enough to want to know about it. someone who can listen without making me feel judged, and understand that I make silly or stupid comments but it is actually perfectly alright. someone who can provide opinions that is wise, sensible and gentle. someone who don't force me to take his or her perspective. someone who can bear with me if I actually cry, just like that. someone out there to help with disassembling the cluttered mind without expectations.  

Update: http://www.16personalities.com/istj-relationships-dating back to the top?

Life feels lighter when you stop taking things personally back to the top?

Hello there!

I've haven't seen this blog I've written in months that I've almost forgotten about its existence until I clicked onto the hyperlink with my name on a friends blog! Goodness me!

Thank you for bringing me book, paper and pen. I've switched a large part of reflection and writing about significant events or happenings onto a journal, which you probably can't access online anymore.

There is a joy on keeping a notebook, or journal, or a diary. It tracks little bits of what forms your identity at a particular phase in life your are going through, be it rough or smooth. You know that you existed and you know what you have experienced. You smile, frown but you get to learn from it as you read it over - again.

We forget all too soon, the things we thought we could never forget.
We forget the loves, the betrayals alike.
Forget what we whispered and what we screamed.
Forget who the tears that fell onto your cheeks were for.
Forget the someone who has brought that smile on your face that day, that moment, or even..
Forget.. who we are.

It is thus, a good idea to keep a journal to keep in touch, and I suppose that keeping in touch is what notebooks are all about.

And by the way, I've grown much in the past few months. 

Erm, physically, IDK. D: Please don't tell me so soon that I've grown fat if you've seen me physically.
Other aspects, yup :) If I had something in mind, it would be to wish for a bulk of time where I can stay alone for a short while, be less busy, have a furry animal with me, sit in front of a beautiful landscape, and just know carefully what has changed.

Speaking of beauty, recently I've helped with a friend, E, on her photography project, that aims to understand or realise about the ephemeral nature of being, life and death. That apart, (busy now, so shall keep writing short) I think Living is a beauty in itself, and one has got to embrace life in order to experience it.

Toodles back to the top?

im ashamed to label myself an optimist when i read what i wrote.

this is (should) not be a true reflection of self.

irefusetoletitbe.

this is just serves as an easy outlet for me... jusy explaining myself. gulp. back to the top?

It's never enough.
Never.

Why are you always questioning what went wrong?

It's okay to make mistakes?

Why didn't you think about what went right?

You shouldn't have done that.

What really is going though your mind?

You tried your best but you can't be perfect.

Not conceding.

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I can't bring to my mouth to say something kind about something that is honestly, ugly and distasteful.

Hence some things are better kept to yourself unless it's mutually beneficial.

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Exam Anxiety Tip 1: Be Prepared Early
The most common cause of exam anxiety is lack of preparation for the exam. Set up a study schedule at least three weeks before your first exam. You may find that you actually need to start studying very early due to other commitments. Planning ahead also assists you to avoid cramming which can be a major cause of exam anxiety.


Exam Anxiety Tip 2: Sleep Well
Regular sleep is one of the best ways to control stress. Getting up and going to bed each day at the same times ensures that your body and brain are getting the rest they need for optimal functioning. Students who follow a regular sleeping pattern have been shown to perform 30% better than students who stay up late or get up early to study.


Exam Anxiety Tip 3: Same Caffeine & Sugar Intake
Keep caffeine and sugar intake the same during exam time. Don’t increase or decrease the amount of coffee, tea or cola that you normally drink as your body and brain are accustomed to getting a certain amount. Keep things in your life as stable as possible, especially during exam time.


Exam Anxiety Tip 4: Learned Relaxed Breathing
When you display any symptoms of anxiety during studying or during the exam, use relaxed breathing to calm yourself. Take your attention away from the task and take a few slow breaths. Say to yourself, calm and relaxed as you exhale. Practice relaxed breathing before the exam.


Exam Anxiety Tip 5: Don't Study the Night Before
Studying the night before an exam causes your anxiety level to increase. Unfortunately, it doesn't decrease when you go to sleep. Reduce anxiety by taking the evening off to relax, watch TV, see a movie, read a novel, etc.


Exam Anxiety Tip 6: Review Main Themes
If it causes you anxiety NOT to study the night before an exam, review the main themes of the course earlier in the day. Of course, that implies that you should have already studied well.


Exam Anxiety Tip 7: Have a Plan before the Exam
As part of your studying, think about how you will approach the exam, and what you will do when you run into trouble. Having a plan in place will assist you to worry less about failing, and help you to concentrate more on passing.


Exam Anxiety Tip 8: Aim to Do Your Best
Often, students start thinking negatively when things aren't going well on an exam. This can lead to lower self-confidence and increased self-doubt. Recognize and turn off your negative internal dialogue. Focus on the task instead of on yourself. Do not try for perfection aim to do your very best.
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Fleeting joy.
Because you should treasure the moment before it passes to be forgotten.

I've never tried to realise this, every family has problems, mine included.

Arrows point everywhere.

I could be the strongest material for a bulletproof vest and I can take a rain of bullets now.
I could be a great ancient wood that withstands even the hardiest Samurai sword.

I could be a poker face seemingly unaffected by the squabbles.
I could be the neutralizer that reduces the acidity of relationships.

I could be human, I forgot.

More than anything, I think words could be more caustic than a strongest poison, to kill a person's soul.

I wouldn't want to envision a time where I'm bombed by my dearest two. Not even the strongest bulletproof vest can withstand that.

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Its pretty interesting the way I have written over this blog for the past few weeks reveals tons about my irritation, distractions and unpleasant experiences. Just from the way the style I write, the vagueness of everything. I get irritated by it too upon reflection.

:)

I'm glad that I'll keep it proper now.

Recently I'm just busy. Occassionally I feel like a drained soul-less slug (yes) and at times I feel like an empowered teenager.  I live in my mind which occasionally swings 180 degrees back and forth, I don't know where the floor is, and where gravity is actually pulling me towards.

But, I'm learning to understand myself better each day.
Hoping that I have the time for deeper reflection when I post in future.

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copied and pasted from confessions. :D

To the Year 1s who are despairing over their academic progress:

Don't lose hope. I was in in your shoes three years ago. As I had to do crazily difficult Econ modules (MFE, Stat151, Micro taught by Landi no less) and couldn't adapt to university life in Year 1, my GPA sank below 3 after Term 2. I was starting to doubt myself and thought whether I was doomed to mediocrity.

Fast forward to the present - I am graduating with a GPA that is comfortably in cum laude territory, and I've received an offer from a very well-known company. I'm also in the final round of interviews for a prestigious ministry - yes, OCS now bothers to send me emails for such 'elite' recruitment programs after I reached 3.4 last semester.

Here are some tips I'd like to offer:
1) DON'T EVER LOSE HOPE. At least you have 3 more years to catch up. So long you set your goal of achieving cum laude, persevere throughout the following semesters and start thinking like a winner, you can eventually make it. Your performance will not improve by leaps and bounds suddenly; the rise in GPA is usually gradual and there is more scope of improvement once you're done with all those pesky core modules.
2) PLAN WELL IN ADVANCE. If you can't beat the system, join it. The advantage of the SMU syllabus is its flexibility. Take a second major that you can do well or are interested in, that would give your grades a much-needed boost. Have electives? Choose wisely, don't just take one because your friends happen to do it, but take one that you are likely to excel in. The sure-fire method, however, is to transfer your liabilities outside SMU. Go on exchange (either local or overseas) and clear those pesky mods there (but check if you are allowed to clear them outside first.) If you can afford it, go for summer school as well and clear a couple more of modules too. If you can't avoid those killer mods in SMU, please tackle them one at a time (per semester), neutralize them by doing classes you can prevail, and choose the right prof if possible.
3) PLEASE MAKE GOOD FRIENDS IN UNI. Look, you do not need have half of your cohort on FB to be considered somebody. If you were not a social butterfly when you entered uni, trust me you'll never be one. However, it sucks to be a loner and feeling like a stranger in your own school; that was how I pretty much felt in Year 1 and it really dented my motivation. The classroom is not the best way to make friends; I only became real friends with a handful that way, the rest will simply be of 'hi-bye' level of interaction. Instead, go for OCIP, overseas internships, CCAs and the like. You won't become Mr/Ms Popular, but you definitely get to know more people in-depth and be good friends with at least some of them. With friends to hang out together and do really crazy stuff, you'll be much more at balance psychologically.

Aim high but aim realistically as well, those who are on the very top of the game already built up an unassailable lead in Year 1. The greatest marginal difference is between that of cum laude and High Merit, in terms of opening up opportunities. The additional magna/summa tag in front doesn't make a significant difference in most instances.

I'm happy to provide more advice on request. Anonymously, of course ;)

Yours,
Finally done with Econs
==========
#13087

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There's a fine line between being concerned and being bothersome.

Actually, it's annoying why I have to explain why I have chosen the path I have chosen. I don't even need to answer to you.

Whatever if you want to know, I'm pleased with my decision I make for the route I'm taking. It's already decided, and executed, and also you don't really matter actually.

Thanks for the concern.

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Honestly speaking, I really am annoyed at myself for not prioritising my own interests as I consider others' more time bound than mine.

Honestly nobody cares maybe

Honestly I hate Facebook for making me have to rely on it, and end up wasting time scrolling through pages

Honestly I dislike not having images of anatomy or physiology cross my mind as often as what I'm doing for Yfe. It really scares me to know how much I've been letting it prioritise my life.

Honestly I should have come to terms with this

Honestly I should be a full time student

Honestly I wonder if anybody have ever felt like they have found a beautiful mountain to climb. But a young explorer, I'm still inexperienced immature and 'unfit', carrying a heavy load of things, having a real future to care about instead of conquering the mountain.
I go ahead anyway. And halfway through, I have no emergency supplies, no helicopter to take to down to safety as and when I'd like to give up. I know I can easily make a decision to give up let go and just go back to base. I know I'm leaving the 100km mountain after completing 60km of journey. How easy is that decision? I feel like slapping myself sometimes. I'm not sure if I'm really a courageous person. Courageous in terms of making a move to even start scaling a mountain when I've never even set my sights on before, but want to do once in my life, or courageous to make the decision to actually give up.

Honestly I'm a walking dilemma. I don't even understand myself. And that makes me sad because I'm not sure who else does.

Honestly I'm upset and I'm not sure who and whether I want to talk to anybody about it. Or at least this for this moment.

Honestly I want to know the meaning of loving simple things and wondering if I truly have loved keeping things simple. Simple for me to embrace and treasure and appreciate.

Honestly, I don't know. And I hate this feeling. Can I stop here? Yes I'll stop here.

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Websites to read:


http://worldobserveronline.com/2012/04/25/15-things-you-should-give-up-to-be-happy/


http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2009/06/what-makes-us-happy/307439/?single_page=true back to the top?

And it stopped short never to go again when the old man died.

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Bitch please.

People are judging you all the time.
Even you think you can not care about what they judge you as.
YOU FKING CARE about what those FKERS THINK.

This is about growing up and being protective of your own identity.
Don't let it be easily swayed by what others perceive of you.

You are in Armour.

You stay strong-willed.

You be original.

stick to your own stand. 



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""It's very hard to understand simplicity. Simplicity needs a kind of commitment. You have to be sure of yourself. If you're not, you'll listen to the complexity-sellers, and the city is not as complex as they would like you to believe."" -- Jaime Lerne 

 

 

Inspirational Webbies: 

http://successify.net/2012/10/31/22-things-happy-people-do-differently/  

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/you-have-to-cut-out-the-noise/

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Inspiration:
asdf movie
the cry of the lonely man
gangnam style
minute physics
harlem shake
the bitter stickgirl
random doodles...


Technicals:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/capitalonespark/2013/04/01/the-benefits-of-social-media-beyond-marketing/

http://www.forbes.com/sites/capitalonespark/2013/01/14/could-your-business-go-viral/

http://www.forbes.com/sites/capitalonespark/2012/12/19/3-ways-to-kick-start-your-content-strategy-for-2013/

http://www.forbes.com/sites/capitalonespark/2013/01/29/4-ways-to-get-more-from-your-website-redesign/

http://www.blogtyrant.com/best-about-us-pages/ back to the top?

http://www.forbes.com/sites/jennagoudreau/2013/03/21/eight-leadership-lessons-from-the-worlds-most-powerful-women/

Leadership lessons from 8 Most powerful women back to the top?